Let’s be real: I was never going to go to the Crossfit Games. I was a sliding-into-her-40s stay-at-home mom who was looking for something to help keep the weight off. It’s not Crossfit’s fault that I fell head over heels in love with something I could never be good at. It’s not Crossfit’s fault that I got serious about something I should have taken lightly, or pushed myself past what my body wanted, or hated myself for not being able to master double-unders.

But after 4 years, I was so over it. I quit, determined never to go back. I told myself I hated Crossfit with a passion, and that yoga was more my speed. I was burned out, fed up, and tired. I took a year off.

So that was dumb. But it was necessary to get my head in the right place. I started back a few months ago, at a different gym where no one knew my name or my tendencies to hate myself. I could work out anonymously and rewrite my story.

And now, I’m back in love with Crossfit.

Here’s what I learned in my year off:

• When you’re 40 (or 50 or 20 or whatever age you think is right), Crossfit is best in small doses every week. It’s not a great daily hobby for “mature” bodies.

• Do something besides Crossfit that makes your training more meaningful. Yes, we love our traps and butts and abs, and that’s hella reason enough to go, but what about becoming a better biker or hiker or, for me, horseman? Now, everything I do IN the gym is informed by my hobbies OUTSIDE of the gym. I don’t make sacrifices for Crossfit; Crossfit makes sacrifices for me.

• Your butt doesn’t stay high and tight doing only yoga. There is no substitute for heavy squats. I repeat: Squat. Heavy.

• No one cares where you finish in a wod. If you do, that’s on you.

• Pick a weight that makes your body happy. End of story.

• You’re not a hero when you hurt yourself or push through injury. You’re just dumb. (4 fingers pointing back at me, people.)

• You should leave Crossfit feeling better than when you got there, physically AND mentally. Short term AND long term.

• Don’t put the keys to your happiness in a barbell’s pocket. The weight on the barbell does not determine your self-worth.

• Don’t work out until you puke. Leave that to those who enjoy puking for fun.

• Don’t judge your running speed based on those who run for fun. In fact, don’t compare yourself to anyone. For anything. Ever. Stay in your zone.

• If you need to rest, rest. If you need to go fast, go fast. Listen to your body.

• Take rest days. Take a walk. Take a nap.

• Too much yoga will make you do dumb things like think about eating tofu.

• There’s a yin/yang balance that needs to be maintained in our lives. Too much Crossfit turns me into an aggressive asshole. Too much yoga turns me into a spacey overly-emotional unicorn.

• Never skip something fun (a day outside, a hike, a bike ride with your kids) for a wod.

• Crossfit folks are the only ones who won’t judge your tendency to think avocados and whiskey are a perfectly acceptable dinner. I need those people in my life.

• Do more mobility. The yogis are right. Don’t skip it, ever. And I’m not talking about some cursory hamstring rolling before the wod; I’m talking zeroing in on muscle insertion points and shoulder girdles.

• You don’t have to tackle your goats unless you want to. This does not reflect badly on your character. I don’t want to do a HSPU. So I’m not gonna. And I’m not gonna feel bad about it either. I am terribly bad at overhead squats, but I could marry them, I love them so much. So I’ll work on them.

• Crossfit is full of geeks, freaks, weirdos, and people who take themselves way too seriously. It’s a good tribe.

For those of you who don’t have any trouble being reasonable or moderate about stuff, this is probably a no-brainer for you, and you think I’m a raving lunatic. And you’re actually right about that.

But if, like me, you’ve cried in your car or told yourself you’re a shitty, lazy person because you’re slow at burpees, this is for you. I’ve seen you. I used to be like you. Don’t burn out – let Crossfit light a fire in you that will be sustainable for the long run.

Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

Yesterday, I showed up for a workout that included 110 box jumps and 110 kettlebell snatches.

I mentioned to my coach, Lauren that I was “probably just going to do step-ups instead of jumps.”

Lauren asked, “Why?” When I told her my excuses (tired, out of shape, blah blah), she sort-of snorted and said, “Um, NO. You’re doing the box jumps.”

If it were up to me to motivate myself at the gym,

1. I would probably be at home drinking wine and reading a book instead
2. I would come up with a million excuses to avoid hard work
3. I would underestimate my own abilities and settle for a lot less than I was capable of doing

You see, Lauren has known and coached me long enough to know when I’m trying to get out of hard work, and she’s not putting up with that.

She also knows when I am making excuses because I don’t believe in myself. A few weeks ago, I was pretty sure I would not be able to perform the heavy squat cleans that were listed on the workout board. I decided to shoot for about 30lbs less than the prescribed weight.

She didn’t snort this time, but challenged me to try as many heavy cleans as I could manage at the higher weight, and if I started failing reps, to pull off some of it and finish.

Needless to say, in both of these cases (and in many others), I finished the workout at the more challenging level. I may not have been fast, but I was so proud of myself and surprised at my capabilities.

The beauty of a good Crossfit coach is that they see you every(-ish) day, in all of your glories and failures. They watch and celebrate with you in your victories, challenge you on your off-days, and pick you up in your defeats.

A good coach won’t let you hide behind others in the group. They can sense the exact minute that you lean over, hands on your thighs and begin playing the “I hate crossfit, I’m leaving” tape in your head. That’s just the moment they will call out your name and tell you to keep working.

A good coach won’t let your ego get in the way of your safety. Many times, Lauren has made me go back to Crossfit preschool because my snatch form sucks or because I’m trying to rip a power clean off the ground rather than move the weight correctly. She has no problem making this 4-year veteran swallow her pride and use a training bar with all of the newbies until I get my act together.

When friends ask me how to go about finding a good Crossfit gym, I always start with the coach. The building doesn’t have to be fancy; the programming doesn’t have to be complex. The coach is everything. Find someone who is nice enough to make you feel welcome, but who is mean enough to call you out on your bullshit. Find someone who makes you feel like she or he’s invested in your success. Lauren is kind and beautiful and intelligent, but she’s a little scary. That’s the sweet spot, and we’re lucky if we can find those coaches to walk our journey with us.