I always giggle and get a little searing pain in my heart when I read the Anne Lamott quote, “I’m not one of those Christians who is heavily into forgiveness,” and that if she could, she would write a book called All the People I Still Hate: A Christian Perspective. I giggle because it’s damn funny, brilliant writing; and I have that little searing pain in my heart because it hits way too close to home.
For someone who has a reputation of being generous and kind (at least that’s what I’m told), I have the ability to hold and nurse grudges as only a Taurus can. And what’s so flipping frustrating is that long after I think I’ve let something go, after I’ve been reminded how many times mercy has been shown to me, that grudge will rear its head at the least opportune time and flatten me. It pulls me down a rabbit hole and I’m crying and reaching for the edge to pull myself out, but it feels fruitless to fight the hurt.