Some days I look in the mirror,
and am shocked by how young I look…
because on these days, I feel the length and width and
breadth of my 42 years
in my bones.
~
My body no longer reacts quickly to anything.
Today I feel last place up the hill-
knees
shoulders
hips and ribs moaning in argument.
It takes a century to
make my lunch, finish my workout, walk to the car.
I marvel at everyone around me
who seems to be moving so fast.
~
I feel the 23 years of raising children
heaviness of
triumphs, heartaches
busyness, worries, and constant movement
in every cell and muscle.
~
I feel days into weeks into months into decades
of need,
of no rest for the heart.
~
Some days I look in the mirror and expect to see
silver, thinning hair
loose skin
sunken, rheumy eyes.
I expect to see hands shaking slightly as they reach up
to touch my lips, remembering when they were
young
and full
and kissable.
~
I expect to see winter.
~
And yet, staring back at me is late summer.
There is color and roundness in my body
and sparkle in my eyes.
And I wonder if this is what autumn feels like –
full to bursting, putting on a show,
but knowing it is slowly moving into rest.
~
And I think it must not be so bad.
