Deb
Reader, Thinker, Writer, Lover.
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I always fancied myself as one of those people who would smile in the face of adversity. You know the type: The Silver Lining Folks. The Lemonade from Lemons Brigade. If something bad happens, they find a way to think positively about it. I really did hope I could be that person. I practiced my generous, patient attitude when all was well; and I must say, I was pretty darn good at it.

 

But, I recently broke my arm, and turns out I’m more this type of person:

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Every pose is a puzzle.

 

Every puzzle has a solution. It’s just about putting the pieces together. Read more…

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So, there I was, driving back from yoga feeling quite zen and self-congratulatory. Sure, I had a bit of bumpy week, not really putting all the love and sunshine in the world as I had intended…sure I’d been nasty and dismissive to the kids a few times and watched television when I should have cleaned and maybe drank a little too much hard liquor, but I had been to Sunday morning yoga and was feeling cleansed and calm and ready to start a new week as a nice person.

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To say I’m a “people person” is to put it….uh, lightly. I loooove them. In all shapes and sizes and forms and personalities. I depend on them: my husband, my kids, my friends, my mentors, my coaches. If I have a question or a problem or am happy about something, my first instinct is to reach out and share. Connect. Get advice. As one of my daughters likes to say, “More people, more power.”

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You know what I hate about teenagers? Their honesty.

You know what I love about teenagers? Their honesty.

 

It’s like they haven’t learned to filter their emotions to please us, yet. Either that, or their feelings are too big to try to contain and manage.

 

On top of being teenagers, these were the walking wounded. I entered the room and I could just feel it. A cloud; a heaviness. Hurt. Anger. But there was also excitement and a good kind of nervous energy.

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I was told last week that I have a “hot seat.” Normally, I would take this as a huge compliment; but as it relates to riding horses, I didn’t like it. To put it simply, it means I ride forcefully and sort of insist on my way, my pace, my rhythm. I was riding a horse new to me, and he didn’t particularly like my hot seat; we both were irritated and wound up by the end of the ride. Read more…

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My thoughts have exploded into a million pieces and are floating flotsam above my head. I try to reach up and catch them and piece them back together, but they turn to dust on my fingertips. I let go and look up and they’ve formed back into broken bits of gravel, irritating my mind.

 

I arrive and sit on the mat, placed in my favorite spot where the sunlight filters through the window; and I begin to rein in my breath.

 

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I got myself really worked up on the drive over. I was ready for a fight. I had all of the phrases I was going to use all set in my mind, and I was practicing them with varying degrees of intensity. I had never met this woman and she had suggestions for me? Psh.

 

I’m normally a very calm, rational person. But when it comes to my kids, I’m a mama bear…A mama bear that just got out of hibernation…that just got out of hibernation and sees a predator looking at her cub…and even if it’s just a squirrel, I’m going to demolish it before we have a chance to find out if it’s dangerous. You do NOT eff around with my kids. Read more…

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I felt like that kid from Home Alone; you know, the one on the front cover with his hands clapped to the side of his face yelling “AHHHHHH!!!!!” Of course, I stayed cool and cheerful on the outside, while horses went their own way, kids ignored directions, and my lesson plan disintegrated into ashes. Read more…

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You see that beautiful tree-pose picture? Yeah, that’s not me. Not even close.

My downward facing dog is not so much downward as it is awkward.

Today, I was bent in half, or as bent-in-half as a woman with the mobility of an 88 year old can be, and my thighs were staring me right in the face. And not in a good way. “Acknowledge it, then let the thought walk right by you,” I reminded myself.

And then, during extended side angle pose, I fought the urge to angrily push my body into the correct position, to stretch it into submission, to make it beg for mercy. I had to channel my inner freak-out into something productive. Read more…