Deb
Reader, Thinker, Writer, Lover.
Blog Posts
gift

I got myself really worked up on the drive over. I was ready for a fight. I had all of the phrases I was going to use all set in my mind, and I was practicing them with varying degrees of intensity. I had never met this woman and she had suggestions for me? Psh.

 

I’m normally a very calm, rational person. But when it comes to my kids, I’m a mama bear…A mama bear that just got out of hibernation…that just got out of hibernation and sees a predator looking at her cub…and even if it’s just a squirrel, I’m going to demolish it before we have a chance to find out if it’s dangerous. You do NOT eff around with my kids. Read more…

train

I felt like that kid from Home Alone; you know, the one on the front cover with his hands clapped to the side of his face yelling “AHHHHHH!!!!!” Of course, I stayed cool and cheerful on the outside, while horses went their own way, kids ignored directions, and my lesson plan disintegrated into ashes. Read more…

photo-1429277096327-11ee3b761c93

You see that beautiful tree-pose picture? Yeah, that’s not me. Not even close.

My downward facing dog is not so much downward as it is awkward.

Today, I was bent in half, or as bent-in-half as a woman with the mobility of an 88 year old can be, and my thighs were staring me right in the face. And not in a good way. “Acknowledge it, then let the thought walk right by you,” I reminded myself.

And then, during extended side angle pose, I fought the urge to angrily push my body into the correct position, to stretch it into submission, to make it beg for mercy. I had to channel my inner freak-out into something productive. Read more…

December 8, 2015

Written by Posted in Blog Posts, Prose Comments 8
kiss

Reach In: to your own heart. Reach in and wait patiently until you find the light. Reach in and meditate, levitate, wrap your arms around your humanness. Reach in and center.

 Reach Out: to a friend. Reach out to someone in need. Reach out and hug a furry creature. Reach out to your mom or your grandma. Reach out and connect with real people.

 

Turn Off: social media. Turn off the news. Turn off the voices around you that are negative and biting. Turn off materialism.

 Turn On: your goodness. Turn on a teapot or a stove to cook a good meal. Turn on a funny Christmas movie. Turn on your partner.

 

Sit Out: of arguments. Sit out of parties you don’t want to go to. Sit out of self-judgement. Sit out of the obligation to send cards or buy gifts.

 Sit In: on a sunrise or a moon set. Sit in on a good TED talk. Sit in on your family dinner. Sit in silence until your brain stops buzzing. Sit in on the inner workings of your heart.

 

Put Down: resentment and jealousy. Put down your credit card. Put down that rock before you throw it.

 Pick Up: the perfect pear at the supermarket. Pick up your favorite book. Pick up the laundry on your bedroom floor. Pick up an olive branch and hand it to your enemy.

 

 Make a good cup of coffee. Make up with someone. Make out with someone.

 

Sow goodness and mercy.

Reap goodness and mercy.

phone

I have a question. A serious and honest one.

 

Are we losing our collective mind?

 

A virus is defined as “a small, infectious agent that replicates only inside of living cells and other organisms.” (Wikipedia).

 

For about the millionth week in a row, I see infection as I am scrolling my facebook feed, checking my top 5 news sites, and reading blogs. Sometimes I feel like I’m in an episode of The Walking Dead, but instead of a virus causing physical zombie symptoms, there are viruses out there causing zombie-like symptoms of the mind.

Read more…

December 1, 2015

Hello, Stranger

Written by Posted in Blog Posts, Prose Comments 2
stranger

I see you, eyes cast down at your phone, and I patiently wait to catch your attention.

I give you an open hearted smile, inviting you to share something with me.

 

We’re both here, we both have a lot on our minds.

We’re both waiting in endless lines and have many more endless lines to travel.

We’re both late. And busy. And a little lost in the holiday jumble.

 

We bump into each other in the Christmas aisle;

I smile at you like we both understand.

 

We jockey for position in the Starbucks line;

I open my heart and look in your eyes, and grin my most charming grin.

I try to smile like my tail is wagging.

You smile back; haltingly at first, then fully.

 

I want you to be noticed for a moment.

I want you to feel like maybe I think you’re beautiful.

I want you to wonder if maybe it was worth it to put on that lipstick after all.

I want you to feel like someone’s best secret.

I want you to feel not so alone,

not so rushed,

not so invisible.

 

You’re not one of the masses, stranger.

You’re you.

Some moments you have silver hair and are holding a cane.

Some moments you are a teen with a faux hawk.

Some moments you are a little girl with some pretty fancy glittery tights.

Some moments you’re a middle aged mom.

And stranger, I think you’re human. And I think you’re beautiful.

sunrise

I love mornings.

 

I begin getting excited about them the night before, while setting my coffee pot.

 

I love the way my feet are the first thing in the house to touch the ground. I love the cold chill that runs down my body as I leave the warmth of the comforter.

 

I love how I can smell the coffee wafting back to my bedroom and the deafening quiet and how my books of poetry wait dutifully by my chair.

Read more…

HH Enrich Sign

We show up with pitchforks and passion,

with Carhartts and compassion, and a whole lot of courage.

 

We are not slowed down by the blizzards and gale force winds of winter, or the roasting heat and dust of summer.

 

Day after day, week after week, month after month…adding up to thousands of hours, we are not deterred in our mission to serve horses and riders.

 

I’ve never seen anything quite like it. It’s a tribe, a family, really. I’ve volunteered at a lot of places in my life: schools, churches, as a court appointed special advocate; but the Hearts and Horses volunteers are the most dedicated, passionate, wonderful group of people I’ve ever met.

 

We’re just regular folks. Some of us have a lifetime of horse experience, others of us are just figuring out how to catch a horse and put them in a halter. One might argue that we’re sort of eccentric and a little weird outside of the HH home, but here, we fit in. We have a place. We understand each other and the mission: “to promote the physical, cognitive, emotional and social well-being of people with special needs through equine-assisted therapy.” And we dedicate our bodies and souls to it entirely.

 

Driving up the winding road Carter Lake Road, I can bet every volunteer feels like me: a sense of excitement, a lowering of blood pressure, a gut feeling that we’re probably going to witness some kind of miracle today.

 

And when we step out of our cars, it’s like we step into a cocoon of support and kindness and passion. We hear the leaves rustling in the giant cottonwood trees and the sound of horses whinnying for their breakfast. We hear children laughing as their parents round them up for their lesson and we hear wheelchairs and walkers clicking into place to bear their rider to the arena. We take a huge happy breath and smile and know we’re home for a little while.

 

The days can be a whirlwind of activity: miles and miles of walking, brushing, catching, tacking, setting up arenas, tearing down arenas, chasing wayward kids, cleaning up the occasional vomit, wiping a snotty nose. Our feet hurt sometimes and we often can’t feel our fingers or our faces in the winter. We take turns throwing the Western saddles on the tall horses, based on whose back doesn’t hurt that day.

 

It doesn’t matter if we’ve seen each other a few minutes ago, we always exchange a smile or a joke or a nod of the head as we pass each other, leading our horses to and fro.

 

And sometimes, we get the treat of sitting down to lunch together, wolfing down a hodgepodge of what we brought in our brown bags, some leftover cookies from a few days ago, and using the chili pepper from last week’s pizza. We joke and tease each other, and occasionally share a tear over a poignant ride.

 

We all have our reasons for being there. We don’t often ask why, we just get it. We understand that many of us see Hearts and Horses as an escape from a world that is often cruel and devoid of miracles. We crave the joy and endless positivity we find here.

 

We are an army. More than that, we’re a family. We’re the barn cleaners, the horse leaders, the side walkers, the office helpers of Hearts and Horses.

 

November 17, 2015

Building Materials

Written by Posted in Blog Posts Comments 1
building

Frankly, I’m sick of myself.

It’s very hard to take my mind off of my own stress and issues; some days, seemingly impossible.

 

I got an amazing gut check from Anne Lamott this morning, in her book, Bird by Bird. She said, “To be engrossed by something outside ourselves is a powerful antidote for the rational mind, the mind that so frequently has its head up its own ass – seeing things in such a narrow and darkly narcissistic way that it presents a colo-rectal theology, offering hope to no one.”

 

Basically, when my head is up my own ass, all I see is, well, ass. It becomes my religion.

 

Self-focus is like building myself from shifting sand. When I go to bed tonight, is this really the footprint I will have left in the world?

 

Or can I do something, one thing, to turn the spotlight from my darkly narcissistic heart onto something bigger?

 

I want to build myself from steel and bones. From love.

princess

I don’t know how I managed to make it to 42 years of age without losing a pet. I was never an animal lover, believe it or not. It wasn’t until we adopted two little shelter kittens, 11 years ago, that I fell head over heels in love with all of the furry creatures in the world.

I had been expecting Princess, our little tabby cat, to go for a while. She was sort of wasting away…down to about 2.5 pounds, but the vet agreed that she was actually pretty healthy. She suggested we should just enjoy every day until Princess told us it was time for her to go.

And on the night she began to tell me, I just understood and knew. I snuggled her up next to me in her heated bed. I kept my hand on her belly all night, counting how many times she was breathing each minute. Sometimes I would drift off, then wake in a start, panicked that she had left, but she was still there. Quiet and curled up. I found myself wishing she would look up, scratch me and run off, as she often did when she felt smothered by my affection. Read more…