I couldn’t look at her face
One more day.
Her cry was weak
My milk no longer strong enough
For a toddler
But I had no choice
No options
No food.
*
And the eldest one
11, a child-
a man with a gun
had grabbed her
had…touched her
had laughed
and I knew next time
it wouldn’t be just touch
*
every day was a struggle
a battle
just to eat
to feed my daughters
to protect them
from evil men
and so I ran.
*
I put our lives in the hands
Of a man I didn’t know
For 1000 small coins
I had squirreled away
From carrying garbage
*
And the journey was one
I could never repeat
But I repeated
“It will be worth it”
even as the man took me
my breasts heavy with milk
dripping as my baby sat in
her sister’s arms.
They were both crying
But he had said me,
Or her.
So it was me.
*
These girls are my life
I will give my life
I thought
It will be worth it.
*
We reached the end
And I thanked God
And wrapped my arms around my girls
And cried with joy.
We had reached the promised land.
*
The man turned to leave us and said
Cross there
When the sun goes down.
I said, “Wait, with you?”
He laughed
And squeezed my breast
And said, “Don’t you wish”
*
I had lost the ability
To even flinch
From the indignities
*
We hid until the sun
Dropped below
And then hid longer.
When all was quiet
We hid longer.
*
And then I woke her
And didn’t wake the baby,
Strapped her to my chest,
And we walked where
He had pointed.
*
The lights were blinding
The yells deafening
Chaos filled the quiet night
*
I grabbed for her
And they grabbed for her
and she was screaming
“No! No entiendes!”
And they didn’t understand
As they dragged her away.
*
And they asked me questions
And I was sobbing for her
And desperate to find to her
And they were unwrapping the baby
And I was clutching her
And I was screaming
And she was screaming
And I was holding her
So tightly I thought I would break her
And they wrenched my wrists
And they tied them
And they took her
Her little legs kicking
Her little nails scratching
Her little teeth biting
And I screamed
And her screams stopped
When the car door closed
And my milk drenched my shirt
A waste.
*
Photo by Roi Dimor on Unsplash
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